The Proposal
Dear Doc
First of all, I think The Invitation was a beautiful piece of literary work. And I believe in all the virtues it exalted. But honestly, as I grow, I find it difficult to believe that it is possible to find someone as beautiful and as matured as it described, and if there is such a beautiful person, I am afraid she might be close to 100 at least … because all the traits therein are developed over time, and must be grown out of life’s experiences. If someone claims to have all those traits, I would be sceptical, and if you think you do, I’m sorry, I’m sceptical too.
More importantly, My personal belief is that, in looking for a “partner”, it is not about finding the “perfect” person as described. I believe the function of the partnership – or marriage – is the ability to live life together, and grow and mature together … to grow towards being all that you have described, together.
Therefore, for you, Doc, although I am a pessimist and am doubtful that you would find that perfect person, I believe you can find love. And my prayer is that you will find someone that you love enough for you to say the following words to, and, that she too, will be able to say the same to you.
God bless
Anonymous
It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive … and if you fear risk, I want you to know that you need not fear, because I will be there for you.
It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain … and if you have, I want to be the one to help you come alive again, and see the beauty of love and life, even in the midst of sorrow.
I want to know if you can sit in pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it… and even if you think you can’t, I will be there to sit with you and hold your hand through it all.
I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tip of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, or to remember the limitations of being human… and if you have any reservations, I want to be the one who will be able to free you.
It doesn't interest me if the story you're telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul… and if you should fall, I want to believe that you deserve another chance, because I know we all do.
I want to know if you can be faithful and therefore be trustworthy… because I have faith in you, even when you lose faith in yourself.
I want to know if you can see beauty even when it is not pretty every day, and if you can source your life from God's presence… and if you have difficulty in doing so, I want to be your eyes, and stand in the gap for you to draw strength from God.
I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of a lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, "Yes!" … and if you think you can’t, I want you to know that you can because I believe we can do it together.
It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done for the children… and when you feel that you can’t, I want you to know that you can depend on me to do it.
It doesn't interest me who you are, how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back… because you know I will do the same for you.
It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away… and if you don’t, I want to help you discover it.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself, and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments… and if you don’t, I want to help you find the love that you should have for yourself.
8 comments:
The Proposal
What an insightful view of the human heart! I could not agree more that we are all on a journey, and it is maturity in ourselves that make us, men or women, more beautiful as we grow in experience and in Godly wisdom.
My take on the Proposal is that is opens to us why we need each other in our journey of life: it is about life of one impacting the life of the other, and together as one, the journey is taken. What Anonymous has added to the Invitation is true, but can only be accomplished if the other person has a complete sense of his or her own self-worth and personhood. It works best when two “whole” persons come together to share as co-equals the highs and pitfalls of life together. In this the “me” centred world we live in, it is sad that many of us fail to see that it is by the giving of ourselves to others that we gain the best back for us. For we are the sum of all our relationships that we have. Who we are, what we are and how we do is very much underpinned by how we are with others around us. The most important of all these is our relationship with God. Next, it is our spouse and, thereafter, our children. All these relationships can only be and stay healthy and on an even keel if we first settle our issues with our own personhood. Of course, our personhood can never be perfect in itself for we are all God’s work-in-progress. It is in being aware of one’s own emotional and spiritual health status, and hold the values and attitudes that are Godly and correct that one can do all that Anonymous has penned into the Invitation.
I like what Anonymous has done. He or she has redefined the individual as one giving of himself to another, and yet being strong as an individual so that both can thrive and grow.
Love the Proposal.
Another Anonymous
Hello all,
My dear friend BK who's notes and letters I have always enjoyed for it sense of humour is too shy to leave a comment and has chosen to send me an email instead. It tickles me and I hope some of you will enjoy it too.
Hullo.....
I really dont know how to comment as I am overwhelmed by so many words....words as u know are not my strength.... and so firstly I give full credit to the person who wrote it..... orso person have much time lah I think !
Reading thru, I agree with Anonymous that the true contents are admirable except that when you labour on the expressions in such a manner you detract from the message.
Try saying this to someone you intended it for in the manner written and I think the likely reactions would be one of suspicion or worst still .... thoughts of impending lunacy !
Then again , lets just say that I've got it all wrong and give this the benefit of doubt..... that the legacy of the Chinese Syndrome '
that children should seen and not heard ' has resulted in some of us being what we are i.e. ' hear no love...speak no love ....and see no love '
Could this be the real reason ?
Naw...naw......naw
The answer lies in the fact that deep inside , most of us do care ,share and bear with each other with a simple touch of KISS ....Keeping It Short and Simple !
The language of love across the ages is in the unspoken word of deed and not in the poetry and whisper of sweet nothings..
I can almost hear you say.... ' this fella ahh.... so unromantic and insensitive ! '
Well......what can I say except thanks for inviting me to blog .
Meanwhile, all God's blessing to you and TLC .
Hahaha
so diplomatic =)
Dear both Anonymous
Thank you for taking the trouble to read and respond to “The Invitation”. I would like to make 4 points:
1) I signed my name when I submitted my contribution to Anna and I will do so again at the end of this. I did not know she was going to “anonimise” me, nor did I expect nor want her to. I have no doubt that Anna did it out of the goodness of her heart to spare me any possible adverse effects, God bless her. But I always stand by what I write or say and take full responsibility and the consequences, be they bricks or bouquets.
2) One of you was absolutely right when you said it is a “beautiful piece of literary work”. Please treat it as such – poetry, which expresses the mundane in magnificient language. I can state what the Native American elder is trying to say in one sentence: “I want to know if you are willing to be vulnerable, transparent, uninhibited in joy, honest, faithful, insightful, determined to do the right thing and have inner strength and healthy self-love and not to be embittered by betrayal or defeated by failure.” Isn’t the same, is it? It is not meant to be a treatise on the perfection nor an exposition on the expectations of love. It cannot be expected to be politically correct, perfectly balanced or scientifically accurate. I’m sure even the author himself will not “stand in the center of the fire", if it is meant to be interpreted literally. The parables of our Lord are profound in their simplicity, but, beyond the central lesson(s) He was teaching, you can find or punch holes in them if that’s your intention.
3) I get the impression that both/either of you feel The Invitation is not “complete” because it is selfishly one-sided and because God is not given central relevance and importance. Firstly, this poem (in a generic sense) has only one purpose – to express the author’s, a Native American elder, desire in the character of the one he would invite to be his companion in the journey of life, nothing more, nothing less. If he wanted to express the other side of the equation, he would have spouted another poem in the all-too-familiar I-will-climb-the-highest-mountain-swim-the-deepest-seas genre. Hence, I thought it was a very appropriate answer, at least partially, to Anna’s singular question to me for he has said it far more beautifully and eloquently than I ever can, within its purpose and limitations. Secondly, if you know the culture and honour of the Native American (or Red Indian, the less politically correct but more commonly known term), you will know that if he expects you to die for him, he will first die for you. Thirdly, the author does not know God as we do, although his belief-system does include a Supreme Being.
4) The response of the sceptical Anonymous is far from unique. I shared The Invitation with a couple of my best friends and their response? “…too idealistic…” and “..too idealistic, too romantic and too unattainable in real life.” Too idealistic? Really? Come on, cynics, sceptics and pessimists, you honestly do not want or expect your life-partner to be faithful? Don’t you demand him/her to be faithful NOW or are you really so magnanimous as to commit your life to him/her on the basis that he/she will “grow” to be faithful in 10 years? Let me ask both Anonymous – you mean you are not honest, faithful, determined to do the right thing and have inner strength and healthy self-love, etc, most of the time or at the very least, aspire to be so? Aren’t all these part and parcel of being like Christ, the “works” of faith and love? Faith without works is dead, so too love. I cannot speak for the author, but I certainly do not expect the finished product, perfect in every way, in every conceivable circumstance, at all times. After all, I am not that either. But it is surely entirely reasonable and not “too idealistic” to expect that my friend will not run away at the first sign of trouble or that my wife will not desert me for greener pastures. Ironically Anonymous has, contrary to his/her own scepticism, unwittingly expressed his/her own very romantic idealism in The Proposal. Hey, maybe we should get together – but only if you are a she! Seriously, if The Invitation is too idealistic, what does that make our Lord’s Sermon on the Mount?
Simon
Hello Simon
Thank you for your reply, and the serious thoughts that had gone into my "on the moment" comment to The Invitation. There has been so many responses to my respond, I am beginning to think if I should have just kept my mouth (in this case, my hands) shut in the first place.
Really, too much has been said, I think. I want to keep this Short and Simple as BK says, but I feel I need to clarify a few things ...
First of all, I am no theologian, no poet nor romantic. I am an ordinary person, who enjoys the ocassional literature, and I enjoyed The Invitation. My response was merely an attempt to put another perspective to it, because you started by referring to "what you look for". That was all - I had no intention to "punch holes" or be patronising in any way. In reality, I too aspire to be all that the Mountain Dreamer defined. I struggle, every day. I search, I try and I fail every now and then.
Secondly, I am no "holier than thou" - I never looked at The Invitation from the "where is God in this" point of view. It is, I agree, a literary work, and I do not believe in looking for God in places where I should not.
Am I entirely a pessimist and a cynic, and have I lost faith in humanity, love and any sense of idealism? No. Ideals are there to inspire us, they give us hope. I am far from being my husband's ideal - but I am thankful that despite my shortcomings, he is still here for me. I have fallen, many times - I have failed, many times. But I have been given many "second" chances, for which, I am grateful.
My conclusion really, was that, I pray that you will find someone that will share your ideals as so beautifully put in the poem, and that you will both strive to be that, together.
I will not even attempt to comment on the theological aspects, especially your reference on the Sermon on the Mount. Entirely out of my league. At least for now. And, just for the records, I am a she, and yes, we can always get together at the right time, but not to debate lengthy theology issues, please?
Cheers and regards
Jacq Chitty
I’ve been reading two beautiful, wonderful and purpose-full well written blogs from Doc and Anonymous, including their comments. It really adds me inside knowledge and I begin to realised that I'm so far away from God's standard.
Aey
I am glad to note the interest in the blogs posted. I have always enjoyed hearing differing views.
Personally, I love TW's comment best. He has posted it in "The Invitation'. I hv also found some young adults to be very frank and good critics. I am still hoping they will gain enough trust in us to post these comments on our blog someday soon.
Simon, I appreciate the angle you are taking but I must go with Jacq here. I want to look at it from God's perspective (at least try lah, ya) because God has gained importance and a precious place in my mind and life. I can safely say this without accusations of being "holy" or spiritual cas my friends and esp you Simon know I am far from that. Ha Ha.
Before we have any serious relationship, we must have processed ourselves, found our security in God and be prepared to grow with our partner. Only then, can we even hope to bring out the best in each other. I am a strong believer the answers are in the Bible, if only we will hear and obey. Faith will grow. Understanding usually comes later.
I also believe, we cannot expect our partners to be willing to have the same exacting standards we may choose to impose on ourselves. It is called love and i know it does cover a multitude of sins. Ask Rod, he has shown me what that is.
I am blessed.
Hi Anna
Have checked the website - I thot Simon's attachment of the American-Indian poem/poetry/saying was brilliant - trouble is, we are all untimately human with all the foibles and eccentricities that come with us - i.e. I dont think there is ever a soul who is that perfect/accommodating/giving.
Love, Yvonne
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